Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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