Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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