sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
