Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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