I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
