I'm going to rape someone's good day.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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