new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
