I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
