Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
porn star boner night. come get it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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