You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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