You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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