After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
