Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize