Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
