If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
