can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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