I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
