someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
