You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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