Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
