I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
