What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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