D3 body, D1 cock
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
do nipples grow back?
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