Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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