he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Screwed.edu
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
