They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
