OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
