On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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