Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
