fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
