I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
