I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
