If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize