She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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