Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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