Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
