Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
