it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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