You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
