i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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