what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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