According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
