I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
