thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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