i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
