If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
