i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
