that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
