whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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