I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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