too bad you live with your parents still
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
