they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
