did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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