So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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