oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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