Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
