Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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