How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
