I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Your dad touched me again.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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