So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
