But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I can't turn off my feet"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Randomize
