We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Randomize
