I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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