And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
