My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
