yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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