Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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