the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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