Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
