You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
i now understand why vodka
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
