it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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