YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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