So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
