white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
