you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
